


Your Name Tastes Like Ashes On My Lips

by kidney_bean



Series: Changed Times, Old-fashioned Love [3]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Ashes Scene in Avengers: Infinity War Part 1, Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Compliant, Bucky learns to live with one arm only, Bucky really likes polaroids for some reason, Bucky really wants to thank you for your patience, But it is set during the movie, Cuddling & Snuggling, Domestic Bliss, Established Relationship, F/M, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Marriage Proposal, Not Black Panther (2018) Compliant, Oral Sex, POV Second Person, Panic Attacks, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Steve doesn't know how to use Skype, There will be goats, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Unresolved Sexual Tension, You know what I mean, but then reader and Bucky finally get some, it gets serious between reader and Bucky, just not following the events and storyline of it, let them be happy dammit, more goats!, so that means major character death somehow, that's a promise... and a threat
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-24
Updated: 2020-07-07
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:35:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 19,097
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24897055
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kidney_bean/pseuds/kidney_bean
Summary: Accepting T'Challa's offer, you get a second chance at a peaceful life with Bucky. Wakanda treats you nicely; you get a place to yourselves, a farm... and goats. Bucky, Alpine and you readjust to a normal life as you witness Bucky having to learn how to be himself again minus his left arm. This particular inconvenience will spice things up in some terrible yet hilarious ways on the daily.Picking up where you left off with your relationship with Bucky, you see it grow and new exciting things will bloom between the two of you as months pass.But the Earth now left unsupervised and defenseless since the disaster of the Sokovia Accords, The Avengers scattered around the globe, the inevitable threat of a stronger opponent will make its appearance. And maybe this time, there will be no endings where any of you come out on top.AU set during Black Panther and Infinity War. Not a stand-alone so you will need to read the other two installments before starting this one.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Reader
Series: Changed Times, Old-fashioned Love [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1752592
Comments: 16
Kudos: 48





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, it's me again! If you made it that far, congratulations, I'll love you forever!
> 
> A year ago, I wrote the first part of this series on a whim and for myself. Decided to publish it anyway for the fun of it but didn't intend to write a sequel. Fast forward to present day and how big it grew. Third part already!... And a fourth one currently being outlined, the first chapter is even being written as I post this, so expect more! Seems like I can't stop myself now.
> 
> As previously stated, you'll get confused if you haven't read the first two intallments so don't hesitate to download the Chrome Extension called "InteractiveFics" on your laptop or on the app Kiwi Browser on mobile to change Y/N by your own name for more fluidity, I know the shortcut can be jarring sometimes so I used it as sporadically as I could but still had to drop it in a few times.
> 
> More tags to be added as I post the other chapters, I don't want to spoil too much what's coming next. Will update every few days as I edit the other two chapters!
> 
> Now, enjoy! Feedback is appreciated as usual :)

The journey to Wakanda had been smoother than what you expected. T’Challa, now King of Wakanda, had sent one of his private jets along a couple of his loyal Kingsguards to help you with your belongings. Which you didn’t have a lot of except for the shirt on your back, Bucky’s notebook and Alpine’s bed, that’s all you took with you.

You didn’t come back to the house before leaving the country, fearing it would have been placed under surveillance. It was very probable nobody had found it since you and Bucky thoroughly made sure to live under the radar, you still wondered how Steve had found you in the first place. Knowing Tony, it was only a matter of time before he would find it too since Steve wasn’t here to lead him off the trail anymore. 

You didn’t need a lot anyway, Bucky was there, alive and recovering, and you had been able to come fetch Alpine one late evening right after coming back from Siberia. You had sneaked into the Barton’s property but it seemed Laura had been a step ahead and was waiting for you. She had made the promise to keep the secret and you apologized for not being able to help Clint in any way since your own life was at risk now. You couldn’t put Bucky in any more danger. She had nodded, teary eyes and smiled a sad but genuine smile. 

She hugged you when you parted, saying your goodbyes. Lila was long asleep, it was better that way. Seeing her wouldn’t have made it easy for you, you weren’t ready to say your goodbyes with her. You thought that if you didn’t, it wouldn’t make your departure so definite, so final. You were never going to see her again, it was for her own safety and Clint’s, you owed him that much.

Alpine in your arms, you left the Bartons’ house with a heavy heart, not looking back.

Steve put you someplace safe, remote, while Bucky and you recovered from the fight. Your ribs still faintly hurt, your shoulder took longer to stop aching. Undeniably, Bucky had accepted his fate of losing his arm for the second time with a fuss, the phantom limb messing with the most simple tasks on the daily.

The flight to Wakanda was uneventful and for the most part, calm. Except for Bucky’s sudden bursts of anxiety and therefore, his need to pace.

“Could you sit down for _one_ minute?” You asked. You really tried to not show your annoyance because it wasn’t Bucky’s fault in the first place but the plane was small and you constantly had to be faced with Bucky roaming around the jet, sighing and fidgeting.

You got not response.

Grunting, you pushed yourself on your feet and took Bucky’s arm, dragging him to his seat. 

“Talk to me. What is it?” You gave him a pointed look, still patient but determined to know what was going on with him.

He ran his hand in his hair and looked at you. His eyes stopped just below yours, gazing somewhere on your cheek. If he couldn’t even look you in the eyes, it was _bad._

“Bucky,” You said slowly, studying his face.

“What if I hurt you?” He blurted out. His knee was bouncing slightly and you wanted to reach out and put your hand there, stilling it.

“I don’t understand.”

He grimaced, his eyes lowered to your chin and you frowned.

“Hey,” You slid closer to him on the narrow space of the seat and raised your hand, intending to cup the side of his face but he flinched minutely at the sight of it. He couldn’t handle to be touched, you nodded to yourself and dropped your arm, hand in your lap so Bucky could have permanent view of where it was. “Look at me. Please?”

Bucky’s sudden mood swing and odd behavior put you off. Something was wrong but there was nothing you could do except to sit there and be a silent and comforting presence to him, always so patient and gentle with him. 

In the few days following your return from Siberia, Bucky had acted strangely. He was the same toward you but when he thought you weren’t looking, his face became blank and absent. He wasn’t distant or cold with you, but something clearly occupied his thoughts day and night. You gave him space, you didn’t want to push him by fear of shutting himself down to you. Bucky was calm by nature, so when he started to grow agitated for no reason during random moments of the day, you sensed something was bothering him.

But how does one broach the subject without the possibility of Bucky feeling trapped?

“Something’s been on your mind. You know you can talk to me, right?”

Bucky nodded and you already counted this as a win.

“I can see you’ve been… preoccupied. I think I know you well enough to see when something is wrong.” You let out a chuckle, trying to lighten the mood.

Bucky didn’t chuckle, didn’t respond to your attempted joke altogether. If anything, his face hardened. He surprised you by violently shaking his head and sprung on his feet.

“Bucky, you’re kinda freaking me out right now.” You told him and you audibly heard him wince.

“I don’t trust myself. I _can’t_ trust myself.” He faced away from you and his voice was muffled by his hand, rubbing it on his face wearily. 

“What do you mean?!”

“There’s-- Everything is still inside. He triggered it.” He let out a bitter huff and slowly turned to you, still not able to make eye contact. “That guy, he said the words and that was it. He found them and I wasn’t myself anymore. Simple as that. Do you know how dangerous it can be for the people around me-- for _you_ \-- to be in the way if somebody else finds the words? I almost killed Steve. Again.”

“You didn’t touch me--”

“But I could have!” Bucky raised his voice, “I told Steve if something happened to you because of me…” He swallowed thickly, closing his eyes.

Standing up, you carefully took a couple of steps in his direction, waiting for him to acknowledge your movements. He didn’t flinch or jumped when you grabbed his upper arm softly, grounding him. 

“I need you to take deep breaths, you’re having a panic attack.” You squeezed his forearm and waited. When Bucky’s chest stopped rising and falling rapidly, keeping the anxiety attack at bay, you continued. “I can’t say I understand how you feel, I can try to imagine but I think it wouldn’t even get close to the real thing but… I chose to be here. We’re not normal people, we’ll never be. I can only hope that you trust me enough when I say that I’m not scared of you and that we can find a way for you to get through this.” You weren’t sure he would see it but you smiled at him nevertheless, “For a whole year we were doing great together. Why wouldn’t it be the same here? And not to mention that T’Challa requested your-- _our_ \-- presence himself.”

“What if I need to go back under? I don’t want to harm you or any of them there.”

“Go back under...? In cryo?” He nodded and the thought alarmed you. “Why? To what end? It wouldn’t do you any good. I think it would trigger more bad memories than it would help you.”

“I don’t know. Until… Until a cure or--” Bucky shrugged, struggling to find the right word, “Or a _treatment_ is found.”

“What if it took years. You’re kind of a special case.”

“Many people have been brainwashed before me, it’s not that unheard of.”

“Not by HYDRA, though.” You sighed, putting your chin atop his shoulder, “Listen to me. First, we’re going to rest once we get there, I’m not talking about a good night’s sleep but about taking the time to _actually_ rest. I don’t think either of us really processed all the things that happened in so little time. And after, we’ll carry on. Like we always did.”

A loud, displeased meow broke the moment and both you and Bucky turned to the sound. Alpine was clawing at her cage’s door, apparently annoyed and tired of the trip taking too long.

“Plus, Al’ would be really sad to not have her favorite human slave to nap on anymore.”

A blink-and-you-miss-it smile curled on Bucky’s lips and you grinned back, happy to finally getting a reaction. Bucky discarded his arm from your grip and wrapped it around your waist, pressing you tightly against him. He let out a long sigh through his nose and after a moment, his eyes found yours. You stopped breathing for a second, you were so close to make your point. 

“I need you, Bucky.” 

“You don’t give up, do you? Always need to have the final word.” He said fondly.

“I thought you knew that already. And I’m allergic to bullshit, _James_.”

You felt his chuckle vibrate against your chest and this time he shook his head softly. Bucky squeezed your hip and leaned forward to drop a kiss on your forehead. The gesture tender and sincere. His lips lingered a little, closing his eyes to refocus and screw his head on right. 

You were right, of course you were right.

“God, I love you.” He whispered in your hair. 

“I like hearing you say it. Makes me wonder what you’d do without me.” You teased.

“I’m serious, Doll.” 

“I know, so am I.” You gingerly tiptoed and pecked him on the lips, cupping his cheeks after the kiss. “You need a shave.” You rubbed his full beard with your fingers there.

“Easier said than done when you’re missing an arm.”

“I can help you, I’ve got two at your disposal.” You offered. 

He grunted and took a dive head-first into your neck, brushing his cheek and chin on the sensitive skin there. You yelped in surprise, instantly trying to withdraw from him, the sensation of his beard scratching your neck sending sparks of heat to your lower abdomen. Bucky kept his strong hold on your waist and you had no choice but to surrender to the unexpected but (overwhelmingly) pleasant attack.

“Bucky, stop it,” You said between two giggles.

But Bucky didn’t stop. Instead, he started to press his face harder and kissed your neck.

Your body immediately yielded and you went pliable in his arm, you threw your head back and bit your lip hard to stop the sound coming out of your mouth. Because once it was out, you couldn’t take it back and now wasn’t the time or place.

The jet shook slightly, Bucky releasing his grip on you at last. You took a step back and hoped the flustered look on your face would go unnoticed. But Bucky was looking elsewhere, you turned your head and you saw it. The scenery had completely changed, the mountains and trees let place to a breathtaking view of Wakanda. It was so much more modern than you thought it would be, your jaw went slack at the sight of buildings raising even higher than the ones you knew in New York.

“That’s…” Bucky started, his eyes glued to the porthole.

“Beautiful.” You finished for him.

The pilot’s voice let you know landing was scheduled in ten minutes and you and Bucky made your way to your seats once again, facing each other. But you weren’t looking at the outside world anymore, you tore your eyes from the window and couldn’t stop watching Bucky’s almost subdued childlike expressions on his face, the fascination in its purest form plastered on his face. 

What you didn’t exactly expect, was to be greeted by T’Challa himself when you set foot on Wakandan soil. 

A row of women clad in bright red armours let him through, the Dora Milaje you recognised, and the King approached you with a diplomatic and polite smile. He shook both yours and Bucky’s hand. 

“Miss Y/L/N, Sergeant Barnes, it’s my utmost pleasure to welcome you in Wakanda. My home will be your home for as long as you wish to stay.” He said, clear and honest.

“Thank you, Your Majesty.” You said, unsure of what to call him.

“Please, you’re my guests and you’re invited as my friends, you don’t need use those terms with me.”

Bucky stayed silent, you could sense his awkwardness radiating off him as intensely as the Wakandan heat on your skin.

Somebody cleared their throat loudly behind T’Challa and a young woman approached, smile bright and unguarded when she looked back and forth between you and Bucky.

“Allow me to introduce my sister, Shuri.” T’Challa told you, still professional and calm while you could clearly see his sister, Shuri, on the verge of bodily shoving her brother aside if she didn’t have a word with you next.

“Hello, I’m so excited to finally meet you, I have so many things for you already in my lab I know you’re going to love!” She enthusiastically smacked her brother on the chest with the back of her hand and continued her babbling, “This is the best thing you brought me, brother!”

“They’re not your… experiments, Shuri.” T’Challa seemed completely mortified at his sister’s behavior and you bit back a laugh, “I apologize on behalf of my sister, she’s still young and can me a little bit too passionate sometimes.” 

“It’s lovely to meet you, Princess Shuri.” You gave her a nod and she outright laughed at you.

“It makes me feel so much older, just ‘Shuri’ is fine.” She assured you and you nodded again, deciding to keep silent before you’d embarrass yourself further. 

T’Challa stepped in front of Shuri, trying to salvage the rest of the conversation. “We have secured a place for you, you will have a fully private apartment in the royal residential area of the capital and will have full access to all the facilities at your disposal there.”

You glanced at Bucky and he glanced back when he felt your eyes on him, his eyes were wide and his body language could only be described as tense. 

“Actually,” You said, “We were thinking it would be better for us to be located a bit farther from the center? We don’t think it would be a good idea for us to be so close to, well, _everybody_. Nobody knows we’re here and we’d like to keep it that way.”

“I’d like to be useful if I’m to stay here.” Bucky spoke quietly. All eyes diverted to him and he gritted his teeth, not expecting full attention toward him. “Earn our keep.”

“If it’s not too much trouble.” You added.

T’Challa lifted a finger and a woman immediately stood beside him, she didn’t take her calculating and cold eyes off Bucky and you for a moment, distrust clear on her face. He whispered something to her and she bowed curtly before going away, leaving you once again with the King and the Princess. 

“We have got just the place for you.” He said with a smile.

“When you said you wanted to be useful earlier, I didn’t think you meant to take care of a whole farm.” You counted the goats in the field, “A farm, Bucky! Do you even know how to run that kind of thing? ‘Cause I sure don’t.”

“Can’t be that hard.” 

“I don’t mean to sound rude but how are you going to manage with one arm?”

A smirk appeared on his face and he tilted his head to one side, “I’ve got two others at my disposal, remember?”

“Unbelievable.” You threw your arms in the air and made your way toward your new temporary home, leaving Bucky with his new friends alone, his laugh following you.

Better to have goats as new neighbors to occupy Bucky’s mind than him wanting to get back in cryofreeze for God knew how long. Whatever he needed, you would do your best to provide.

Alpine was sniffing and jumping on every flat surface available when you got back, getting accustomed to her new surroundings. Not sure she was going to enjoy having to share Bucky with other four-legged furry friends but they will have to make do. You picked her up and gently held her like a baby, placing yourself in front of the large glass door, watching Bucky from there. Alpine meowed, pawing at the window.

“I know, baby. Don’t be jealous, alright? He’s coming back for you in a minute.” You scratched her belly and dropped a quick kiss on her head between her ears, letting her jump down from your arms and sit in front of the transparent door at your feet.

Bucky seemed soothed, for now. It was the first step to another long journey toward recovery and hopefully, the last.

“You hungry?” Alpine perked up at your words and simply blinked. “I’m hungry. Let’s see what they stored for us.”

You padded toward the immaculate kitchen, Alpine following close behind. She was too smart for her own good, it was almost scary at how well she understood whatever you said to her all the time. 

The fridge had been fully stocked with food. Wakandan specialities you weren’t yet familiar with but also regular, plain food that was easily recognizable. You fed Alpine bits of chicken she devoured without having to be presented twice, caging your fingers with her claws to make sure you wouldn’t take the food away. She meowed for more afterward but you weren’t Bucky, you were able to put a stop to her gluttony whereas Bucky would give in and feed her more when you weren’t looking. You tsked and Alpine went to sulk in another room she had discovered before you could yourself. 

Slipping outside the house, you went in search of Bucky. It had been almost an hour since you had left him in the field with the goats and couldn’t see him anymore. 

The land was vast and isolated, just as you wished. You had been grateful for T’Challa’s provided flat but you knew Bucky would have suffocated immediately, the constant buzzing of the city and prying eyes would have made you both uncomfortable. There, at least, you were completely alone except for your new goat friends and you could _breathe._

You found Bucky in the barn, sitting cross-legged on the ground. He had dozed off against a pile of hay but something else caught your attention. There, in the crook of his legs, was the smallest, cutest looking baby goat you had ever seen, asleep as well.

Oh, Alpine was definitely not going to like this.

You desperately wished you had a phone to capture this moment, finding a way to show Steve.

You quietly crouched and shook Bucky’s shoulder to wake him up. He inevitably startled and the goat bleated loudly in his lap, displeased by the interruption. 

“Is it possible for you to not end up adopting an animal wherever you go?” You said in amusement.

“I don’t know what you’re talkin’ about.” Bucky answered, voice hoarse and clearly still sleepy. 

With his hand, Bucky discarded the baby goat from his lap and rose on his feet, trying his best to stifle a yawn.

“You’re gonna need to head straight to the shower, Alpine’s gonna throw a tantrum if she smells another animal on you.” You chuckled. “Some food next and then to bed. I can’t believe you fell asleep in there, it stinks!”

“Doesn’t bother me.”

“Fine, I’m going to snuggle with Alpine in the king size bed while you sleep with goat’s poo and your new friend here.” 

Bucky huffed and grabbed your hand, pulling you toward the exit with him and leading you to the house, not dropping your hand until you were inside and you practically shoving him in the shower before Alpine could come sniff him. 

* * *

“Stop moving!” 

“You’re holding a very sharp straight razor near my face, Doll, excuse me if I’m being a little anxious--”

“I’m not going to fucking stab you--”

“Did you ever hold one before--”

“Nevermind. Bucky, I swear I _will_ stab you if you don’t stop moving--”

“Shaving isn’t particularly easy on a man’s face--”

“I’m a woman, I know what shaving is, I’m sure I even _outshave_ you--”

“It’s just that I get, you know, reticent at the sight of a potential weapon near my jugular--”

“I think you can handle a little cut on your cheek if it happens, I have two bullet hole scars on my abdomen, you will survive--”

“Let me try first--

“You’re going to do way worse by yourself, why don’t you trust me--”

“But I do trust you--”

“Then stop being a crybaby about it and sit down!” 

Bucky sighed deeply and to your satisfaction, sat on the bathroom countertop beside the sink. You let him apply the shaving cream himself, patiently waiting by his side until he was done. You couldn’t stop the grin from growing when he gave you an unimpressed, “happy now?” look, his full beard now coated with a thick white foam. 

You knocked his knee with a finger, silently asking him to spread his legs a little wider to grant you more room to access his face. You ignored the slight change in his breathing when you stepped between his legs, his eyes were cast down, fixed somewhere above your shoulder.

“Breathe, Bucky.” You murmured, “I promise I will be careful.”

He nodded weakly and closed his eyes when you raised the blade. You started near the sideburns, the first couple of strokes where easy and fluid, you rinsed the blade after each passage on his skin in the warm water you filled the sink with beforehand. You gently stretched and held the skin, asking Bucky to tilt his head to make the strokes as painless as possible. You moved steadily from the sideburns down toward the chin and across the cheeks.

You deliberately made slow movements to reassure Bucky, applying barely any pressure on his skin, just enough to remove the coarse hairs but the blade was thin and sharp, you didn’t even need to insist that much. You almost could feel his heart pick up in speed when you stepped even closer, the two of you being chest to chest, except that Bucky was shirtless, having showered just before you cornered him to help him shave. 

Clenching and unclenching his hand in a fist repeatedly, you didn’t even feel him decide to place it on your hip instead, too engrossed in shaving the delicate and narrow skin around his lips and just under his nose. 

When you finished the lower part of his face, the difficult task of now having to take care of his neck arose, you released a relieved breath and looked up. Bucky’s eyes were already on you, at some point he had opened them again and kept a close watch. _Definitely too close,_ you thought.

“Could you--” You cleared your throat and licked your lips, feeling them suddenly dry and you tried speaking again, “Could you raise your head, please?”

Bucky did as he was told and you rinsed the blade again, readying yourself but hating how your hands were moist and your own heart was hammering too loudly in your too small ribcage. Now wasn’t the time to have your hands trembling when Bucky was willingly presenting you his most vulnerable part of himself while you were holding something sharp and deadly.

You took a deep breath and went to work again. He squeezed your hip tightly when you swiped the blade just where the vein was located but didn’t let out a single noise. The both of you could hear a pin drop in the room, the silence only disturbed when you allowed yourself to breathe. You knew it physically took a lot of effort for him to not flinch or tense under your hands, you were probably the second person in the world -- Steve being the first -- he would trust to do this. You smiled and hurried, taking pity on the poor Bucky. His Adam Apple bobbed when you got to this area and you chuckled. He tightened his hold on your hip again, almost like pinching you as a warning. 

A smile was back on his face, at last.

“I’m almost done, stay still.” You whispered, not breaking focus.

The final stroke on his neck once done, you put down the razor on the countertop, the sound too loud in the room. You handed him a wet cloth and he removed the remains of cream on his face, keeping it there for a moment to ease the burn. He let out a muffled groan in the towel and you softly grabbed it from his hand, revealing his clean and smooth face to you. You quickly patted his chest down with the cloth, removing droplets of water and drying foam there and then threw it in the laundry basket across the room.

Bucky didn’t release you just yet, still caging you between his thighs, his hand finding back its spot on you. You put yours on either side of his legs and leaned forward, brushing your cheek against his.

“Feels nice,” You hummed, “And I can see your face again.” 

“Thank you.” Bucky told you, his lips finding your neck.

“Still tickles but--” You closed your eyes shut, the sensation still overwhelming for you, “Doesn’t burn anymore.”

“A shame.” Bucky said, his voice dangerously low.

Placing your hands atop Bucky’s thighs, you pushed yourself from him, raising your brows. In the short, intense moment you two had just shared, he had managed to look completely flustered and disheveled. The total opposite of the skittish and nervous composure he had when you were trying to convince him to trust you only half an hour ago. He kept glancing back and forth between your eyes and lips, his chest rising and falling as if he had ran a marathon and had rendered him breathless.

Bucky seemed to realise what he was doing and slid off the counter, giving you a quick apology before grabbing his shirt and storming out of the bathroom.

You stood there, utterly clueless at what the fuck happened.

* * *

The days started to blur together and the newfound peace there stayed all the same. You even established a routine with Bucky, Alpine and the goats. You fed them twice a day and let them wander around to munch on pasture. 

The place was quiet... for most of the time if you excluded the occasional bleating.

Bucky took a weird fondness to that one goatling you saw him with on the day of your arrival. The baby followed Bucky everywhere he went like a hawk and bleated louder than all of its peers combined. Many times you heard Bucky muttering angrily under his breath because the young goat was messing around him, knocking stuff down. Bucky gave up quickly after realising it was pointless to even try teaching it to listen to what he said.

“Steve,” Bucky told you out of nowhere one day.

“What?” You looked up from your seat in the kitchen and lifted a hand to remove a stray piece of hay that found its way into Bucky’s hair.

“I’m gonna name him Steve. He’s as pigheaded and small as Steve. Thinks he can fight me or the other goats.”

“Though Steve actually can, now.” You laughed.

“He’s still the punk I know, he’s just… bigger. And his stubbornness grew bigger with it.”

“Not sure Steve is going to take that as a compliment.” 

“Well, he ain’t here, is he?” He sat beside you at the table, picking up the book you were reading. “What’s this?”

“It was on one of the shelves in the bedroom, just realized we basically know nothing about Wakanda, figured it was time to change this since we'll stay here indefinitely.”

“Do you miss home?” Bucky asked quietly, shuffling through the book.

“Hmm, no, not really.” Bucky looked up at you and arched a brow. “I’ve been told many times that home is not a place but a feeling, or even a person. So, I feel just fine here.” 

“You really went all cheesy on me for a moment, Doll.” Bucky grinned, all too pleased at your words. 

“Yeah, well. I can’t take that back now.” You shrugged, trying to appear casual and as if it wasn’t a big deal.

“No, no you can’t.” Bucky stood from his chair and dropped a kiss in your hair. “Do you know what I’d love to do after I fed the pack?”

“No but I have a feeling you’re gonna tell me anyway.”

“Going for a run. Haven’t done that in ages.”

“Are you feeling claustrophobic here?” You straightened and closed the book, pulling it aside.

Bucky shook his head, “Just restless. As much as we like it here, we’re not entirely out of danger, I don’t want to rest easy, is all.”

“Sounds fair to me.” You jumped on your feet as well, “Do you need help feeding them?”

“I can handle it, go get changed!” Bucky said, already on his way to the barn.

Next thing you knew, everything hurt.

From the very tip of your toes to your shoulder, you could even feel the ache of your now healed shoulder coming back in waves. It was too soon and too harsh. And Bucky didn’t make it easy for you, you knew he could run as fast as Steve and he was patient enough to run at a steady pace by your side but your lack of training for the past year made you more rusty than you initially thought.

“Can we slow down a bit?” You asked him, panting heavily and sweat covering ninety-nine percent of your body.

“You used to run faster, you became slow, c’mon!” He replied, encouraging you.

“And you used to have two arms!”

“And yet, I’m still faster than you.” You desperately wanted to erase that smug grin off his face.

“I hate you.” You groaned.

“You sound -- and run -- just like Sam.” He laughed and sped up, running past you.

“Hey!”

“Final sprint before home!” He shouted over his shoulder and disappeared from sight.

“Fucker.” You mumbled, wiping the sweat off your brows.

The _sprint_ in question was pure torture for your already exhausted body. What Bucky might have finished in under five minutes, you ended up taking four times the time for you to complete. 

Opening the front door on wobbling legs, you searched for Bucky in hopes to lash out your frustration and wrath on his deserving person. You called his name in every room but were only met with silence each time. Only clue to signal his presence was the glass of water freshly filled and left recently for you on the table. You snatched it the moment you saw it and gulped the cold water greedily, almost choking on it. 

You noticed the door was partly open and stepped outside and in the field. You saw Bucky sitting down in the grass, surrounded by his “pack” as he liked to call them, and joined him there, your legs barely supporting you.

Collapsing next to Bucky, you grunted as you laid your body in the grass, stretching slowly.

“I couldn’t find Alpine when I arrived.” Bucky said. You shot upright immediately, a few of your joints creaked in the aftermath as you did so. “I found her here, napping with _Steve_.” He chuckled, still very proud of himself for the name.

You rolled on your stomach and your eyes landed on a bundle of fur in the grass. There, curled up together, was the small baby goat and Alpine calmly sleeping undisturbed and unbothered by the other visitors around them.

“I wish I had my polaroid with me. It’s the most adorable thing I’ve seen.” You said, smiling at the two of them.

“Sorry about that.” Bucky said and you turned to him, laying on your back again.

“It’s just a camera, Buck. I prefer to have the memories than not having none of this to enjoy.”

Bucky plucked out some pieces of grass from the ground and absently played with them. You shared a companionable silence until you felt Bucky shift and rest his head on your stomach, finding a comfortable position as well. You ran your fingers in his hair and heard him hum.

“I still hate you.” You told him and proved your point by lightly scratching his scalp with your nails.

He snorted and his head bounced slightly on your belly as you joined his laugher.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Additional tags have been added for this chapter. We have reached the reason why this fic is rated M!
> 
> Last chapter to be posted soon :)

The first few months came and went, T’Challa and Shuri had left you time and space to adjust to your new environment. Your only human contact with the outside world were a group of children residing near the farm. You had found them huddled up in the barn one day and they all gasped and ran away, giggling, guilty of having “trespassed”. A few days later, they were back and found the goats. And more accurately, found _Steve_. You didn’t have the heart to say anything, they were kids and they weren’t bothering you. You could tell Bucky didn’t mind either but wasn’t as comfortable as you about their presence. Still self-conscious about his missing arm, he had confided he didn’t want to make them stop coming here because of him. The children _were_ curious about the two of you but they respected boundaries, they never came close to the house and when either you or Bucky approached with hay, they would retreat back and leave you alone to do your task. 

One morning, you were holding Alpine in your arms to prevent her from playing with the goatling while he was eating (it was still weird for you to call a little goat by your best friend’s name, but Bucky didn’t seem to want to drop the name, so you had compromised and decided to switch to “Stevie”). 

Alpine and Stevie were kindred spirits, you thought, how two different animals could behave the same way with each other, bickering violently and the next second, snuggling together in the grass, was beyond you. 

The group of kids were intently watching you from afar, they were early this morning. You heard the back and forth whispers grow closer behind you and when you spun on your heels to see what the commotion was about, three of the kids pushed a shy-looking girl in your direction.

She was nervously playing with one of her braids and took careful steps toward you, you smiled softly at her and patiently waited. When the girl was within arm’s reach, she pointed to Alpine and did a petting motion with her hands, a question in her eyes.

Oh. 

“Alpine? You wanna pet her?” You looked down at Alpine in your arms and she couldn’t look more unimpressed. She nodded frantically and flashed you a bright smile, relieved you understood her. “Sure, go ahead.”

You kneeled down and positioned Alpine a bit higher in your arms so she had enough space to reach her fur. She meowed and blinked slowly, apparently accepting her fate.

The little girl slowly outstretched her hand and simply put it above Alpine’s head, not moving yet as if she was afraid she would bite or scratch her. You chuckled and discarded one of your hand holding Alpine from underneath, placing her on your bent knee instead but still holding her front with your other hand and stroked her fur as you’d do so normally, showing her she was harmless. She giggled when Alpine started to audibly purr and looked behind at the three boys, still waiting but growing impatient. She waved her hand at them, beaconing them closer and they rushed beside her. They all looked at you expectantly and you nodded, granting them permission. The boys, slightly older than her, didn’t need to be told twice and started to pet Alpine enthusiastically, exchanging quick words between them you couldn’t decipher. No doubts words of praise and unguarded awe that any cat would elicit to a child.

When you were sure Alpine was distracted enough from wanting to run to her goat friend, you placed her down, laying her on the grass. Alpine simply let herself be handled like heavy sack of flour and rolled on her side, eyes closed and paws kneading the air. You sat with the children and watched their innocent delight, you couldn’t stop grinning, Alpine was most probably as pleased as you right now, if not more, to receive all this attention at once.

“Alpine,” You told them, pointing to the white cat purring so loudly you wondered if the kids had even heard you.

The four of them repeated the name a few times, getting accustomed to it. 

“We don’t know her age but she looks fairly young. Though she can be such a grandma sometimes.” They listened to your babbling, not giving away if they understood you or not. 

But you kept talking about Alpine, telling them random facts about her; her favorite toy, her favorite food, how long she liked to sleep in a day, how she clearly seemed to prefer Bucky than you, the little brat…

The children were watching you with rapt interest, drinking your words but their little hands still focused on Alpine’s soft fluff. Your eyes kept returning to the girl, though. She reminded you of Lila so much; she was as tall and slender as her, they shared the same glint in their eyes, the same mischievous smile whenever she looked at (who you assumed were) her brothers.

It was late morning when Bucky found you there, still talking nonsense about Alpine, who hadn’t moved a paw since the love fest started. The kids spotted him first, their quick whispers alerting you. You turned your head and you caught sight of him standing a few feet from you. He had drapped a shawl around his shoulder, covering the metal stump on his left side. His body was stiff and taut, nervous energy emitting from him. You gave him a smile but Bucky didn’t come closer, still not confident enough to be close to the children. 

“Alright, kids. I think that’s enough for today.” You said softly, gathering Alpine back in your arms. She was warm from the sun and completely malleable, she meowed but you dropped a kiss on her little forehead, shushing her.

When you stood, the children copied you, understanding it was their cue to leave. They politely bowed their heads, petting Alpine one last time before they took off, waving at you, and to your delight, at Bucky on their way out. Bucky raised his hand awkwardly and you chuckled, walking to him. You kissed his cheek and he relaxed gradually under your touch. 

“Looking dapper in this, Bucky.” You teased and you lowered Alpine on the floor inside the house, closing the door.

“It’s convenient.” He simply answered, shrugging a little.

“You were looking for me?” You asked, wrapping an arm around his waist, slotting yourself against his left side.

“I made some food, thought you’d be hungry.” He looked down at you and smirked. “You’ve got a sunburn on your nose.”

You wrinkled your nose and felt the skin stretch uncomfortably there, you hadn’t realised how the skin was already dry and itchy. “Fuck.”

Bucky huffed and dropped a kiss on the tip of your nose, visibly amused. “You really are a children magnet.”

“You collect animals, I collect children. To each their own.” You hummed and stayed there for a moment, enjoying the warmth of Bucky and the late morning heat surrounding you.

* * *

After six full months and still no news from the King of Wakanda, you had convinced Bucky to go with you to the capital and pay a visit to the royals.

The atmosphere of the city obviously different from the country, Bucky opted for a cap and left his usual tank tops for a hoodie. You rolled your eyes at Bucky’s need to hide but you didn’t comment, his sense of safety more important to you than stripping him of his comfort zone.

The trip to the center seemed longer than what you remembered when you first arrived but the landscape still as breathtaking. The world would have a lot to learn from Wakanda. 

You tucked Bucky’s dangling and empty sleeve in his front pocket and he hesitantly took off his cap as you entered the building. It was buzzing with people in white coats, they didn’t even pay attention to you as you passed them by, their noses buried in their clipboards, as a Kingsguard escorted you further into the building. You stopped just outside a huge steel door, the guard motioning you to wait here as he pushed in a code followed by a scan of his fingerprints. 

The door opened and revealed a pristine, immaculate laboratory. The room was less crowded and a member of the Dora Milaje took over the Kingsguard. Never without her spear, she walked you to another part of the lab and Shuri stood there, tinkering at something you recognised immediately. 

“You built this?” You said, eyes wide.

Shuri jumped on her seat, her frown disappeared the moment she saw you.

“Hey, it’s so nice to see you both here!” She slid off her perch and removed her gloves. “I was wondering if you were still alive.” She laughed and looked Bucky up and down. “The White Wolf has returned!”

“Is that--” Bucky started, not taking his eyes off the familiar thing resting on her desk.

“It’s your arm, yes! Brand new, lighter and stronger than the previous one. I still have some adjustments to do but it’s almost finished.” She beamed, thrilled to show you her work. “Do you like the color?”

Bucky padded to her desk and took a quick look, he gritted his teeth but Shuri didn’t seem to notice. “It’s dark.”

“And gold.” You pointed out. “Still less flashy than the old one, though.”

“Right? I’m glad we agree.” Shuri said and gestured for you to follow her. “I have other prototypes there.”

You followed her through her lab, taking in everything as much as you could around you. 

“This is for you.” She turned to you and you looked up.

The suit displayed in front of you looked as beautiful as it looked deadly. It was black and just like Bucky’s new arm, it was partially covered in streaks of gold, accentuating the curves of the fabric from the collar of the suit and down to the chest and spine. The rest was designed for stealth and commodity.

“Shuri, that’s-- It looks more expensive than all my previous combat suits combined.” You told her, fascinated by what she had created.

“Because it is,” She teased, “The nanites will absorb the kinetic energy and will hold it in place for redistribution. And the arm is made of Vibranium, Wakanda is known for its resources in Vibranium, it’s the rarest metal on earth.” She looked at Bucky. “It will be totally shock-absorbant, like the shield of your friend.”

“What was wrong with my old suit?” You asked.

“It’s functional but just because something works, doesn't mean that it cannot be improved.” She grinned and the three of you strolled by work tables of high-tech weapons and gadgets.

“That means there will be another fight soon enough.” Bucky said, looking at a prototype of a shield.

“You need to be prepared no matter the circumstances. You’re Avengers, you can’t allow yourselves to be taken by surprise the day there will be one.” Shuri retorted and you had to agree with her. You didn’t expect the last one, what you could do right now was to prepare yourself for the idea of another one. 

“We’re not Avengers anymore,” You gave Shuri a humorless smile, “But thank you for doing this for us.” 

“Fugitives. Avengers. Who cares!? You’re Avengers in my country.” She crossed her arms on her chest and gave you a pointed look. 

You couldn’t argue with the Princess of Wakanda.

“So that’s why you need to be in the best place in terms of protection.” She then pointed at Bucky, “And he needs a haircut.” 

Not seeing her jab coming, you burst out laughing in her lab and decided you definitely liked Shuri and could even find a friend in her.

Bucky pouted, looking like a kicked puppy again and she laughed just as loudly.

You left her lab with a smile on your face, your heart feeling both lighter and somber at the same time. Shuri was nice to spend time with but she had reminded you that your time there was also borrowed, ticking until the next fight would come corner you into another bloodbath.

Deciding to not head back to the farm straight away, you took a detour in the less populated-looking places of the capital and strolled lazily in the streets, finally letting yourself be a tourist after six months of living in Wakanda. 

Bucky placed his cap low on his face once again but hadn’t tried to dissuade you from your plan. He even looked like he was enjoying it, his face was free of concern or anxiety as your walked but he remained deep in thoughts.

“A penny for your thoughts,” You said, clasping his hand in yours. He squeezed it lightly and sighed.

“It’s nothing, Doll.”

“Don’t do that again, tell me what’s going on.” You stopped in the narrow street, facing Bucky. “Please?”

“The new arm just caught me off guards. I’m grateful for how much she invests her time and energy in building all that stuff but I don’t think I’m ready. It always meant bad omens for me.”

“You don’t have to put it on if you don’t want to. Besides, you don’t _have to._ ” 

“For now.” Bucky grimaced and you pulled him forward, resuming your hike through the city.

“Eventually, yes. Maybe you’ll get tired of being a century old, one-armed man and would like to get your independence back. Maybe you’ll want to ride a bike again. Maybe you’ll want to be able to tie your hair by yourself without having to ask me. But this needs to be your decision, nobody can force you to put that on you.”

“It’s not a just-in-case scenario. You heard her, when there will be a fight--”

“ _If.”_ You insisted. “Did you not hear the part when I told you that you could choose to put that arm on even if there wasn’t a fight programmed? It’s your choice whether you want it or not for different reasons.” 

Bucky suddenly stopped in his track, resulting in you bumping into his shoulder in surprise.

“What’s--”

“Stay here.” Bucky dropped your hand, “Everything’s fine. I won’t be long.” He didn’t give you any other explanation and left you in the middle of the pavement, standing alone and a with a question dying on your lips.

True to his words, Bucky had probably been gone for a couple of minutes before he emerged back from a tiny store which was squished between two imposing buildings, you hadn’t even noticed it, the buildings towering over it in a way the store was rendered invisible.

Bucky had a small, secretive smile plastered on his face and he looked suspiciously proud of himself. He made his way to you in quick strides and his arm was out of view, secured behind his back. You narrowed your eyes at him and his smile grew wider, crinkles appearing at the corner of his eyes.

“I know you’re sad about your camera, I hope this will make me earn my forgiveness.” Bucky pulled away his arm from behind and revealed the content he was hiding from you.

There, in the palm of his hand, was the most antic polaroid you’ve ever seen. It looked old but in a frightfully good condition. You opened your mouth and closed it several times, completely at loss of words. 

“But we don’t have any money!” You spluttered out. “How did you do that?”

“I guess being a living antic myself has its perks. The clerk recognised me and just asked me to sign something for him in exchange.” His grin never faltered and pushed the camera toward you, urging you to take a look. “Am I forgiven?”

“You’re _amazing._ ” You corrected and gently lifted the polaroid in your hands as if it was a living and breathing creature. “I can’t believe you just bargained your way out.”

“Wasn’t that difficult,” Bucky observed you fiddling with the camera fondly. “Do you like it?”

You nodded eagerly, “Thank you.” You told him at last, sincerely, looking up at him in disbelief. “Promise me you won’t steal it this time, though. I want to take pictures of you, too. Of us. Maybe even create a journal together so we’ll always remember, no matter what happens.”

“I promise.” Bucky said and you believed him.

In the small, hidden street of Wakanda, you two shared a kiss there. Life ahead might be unclear but the presence of the other the only constant in these uncertain times.

(You hoped.)

* * *

“Hi, Steve!”

“Hey, how are you doing over there?” The sound on Steve’s side was poor, it kept dropping in and out. The video quality wasn’t much better either, a doll of Captain America had better features than the pixelated version of Steve you were seeing right now. 

“Not too bad. Could clearly be worse.” You replied and turned the tablet toward Bucky slightly.

Bucky was, for lack of a better word, perplexed. “Can he hear me?”

“If he can hear me, I don’t see why he couldn’t hear you.”

“Are you sure nobody else can watch this?” Bucky said, not trusting the device one bit.

“It’s a private and secured connection, yes, I’m sure, Bucky.”

“Hey, Buck.” The image was bouncing in and out of focus.

You heard grunting somewhere in the background and the image changed to let place to an equally poor-looking Sam, “Gimme that, grandpa,” The video froze and the next second, you could see Sam’s face in high-definition.

“Thank God for Sam,” You cheered and the two of you exchanged greetings.

“I’ll talk to you later, yeah? You look good, by the way.” Sam said with a wink and you saw Bucky’s small frown in the bottom screen where you appeared.

“Thanks, man.” You waved goodbye and Sam handed back the device to Steve.

If Sam looked good and healthy for a person on the run, you were not believing what was staring back at you when Steve’s face materialized again.

“What happened to your face?” You said with wide eyes.

“What? Oh, that?” Steve scratched his beard -- and not just a three days stubble but a full-on beard that could only have taken weeks, if not months, to grow out -- and chuckled lightheartedly. “Just a beard.”

“ _Just a beard?_ Steve, I’ve never even seen you with a shadow of a beard and-- and your hair! It’s so long!” You stumbled on your words, entirely taken aback.

“We don’t exactly have time for this, it’s not really our top priority at the moment. And it’s a pretty good cover, people don’t expect me to look like this.”

“Just ask Y/N, she’ll shave it for you.” Bucky said to Steve.

“Hey, I became quite good at helping you shave, you can’t deny it.”

Bucky shifted closer to you, shaking his head while looking at the screen.

“Where are you right now, Steve? How’s Nat?” You asked, changing subject.

“We’re in Europe. We’ve had a lead a few days ago, but didn’t find either Wanda or Vision for now.” Steve glanced somewhere off camera and continued, “Nat’s fine. You would be surprised at her hair, too.” 

A muffled noise echoed and Natasha’s face came into focus. She was sporting shorter, silver hair and you couldn’t help but shake your head.

“Natasha, it’s not fair. You could be bald and you would still rock it.”

She let out a quiet chuckle and she sat down next to Steve. You hadn’t seen or spoken to her since the events in Berlin and you apprehended what she was presently thinking of you, wondering if she had ever resented you for leaving in the first place.

She smiled at you and, after a pause, “You look healthy. Both of you.”

Bucky gave her a small, guarded but thankful smile and let you talk with Natasha, content to just sit quietly and listen. 

“Life’s nice here, we can’t complain.” You glanced at Bucky and he nodded in agreement. “We’ve got a farm for ourselves.”

“A farm?” Steve asked.

“Yeah,” You chuckled, “T’Challa graciously offered us a place in the same residential area as the royals but we, um, had to decline.”

“You _what?_ ” Natasha said, mouth agape.

“He said he understood! And found an alternative. So now we’re living away from the center and it’s peaceful, apart from the goats. I didn’t know they could be so loud.”

Steve and Natasha laughed in unison.

“We met his sister, she’s fun. Doesn’t look or behave like a princess, it’s very amusing to see how different the two are.” You continued.

“And she keeps luring stray children, Steve,” Bucky said and at the same time, Alpine jumped in his lap, stretching shamelessly in front of the camera. 

You raised the tablet higher, apologizing for Alpine’s intrusion.

“You’ve made a lot of new friends there, I see.” Natasha pointed out.

“Mostly true, Alpine’s been ours from-- from _before,_ actually.”

Natasha smiled sadly and you cleared your throat, thinking about something else to say. Bucky sensed the small tension and spoke, breaking the silence.

“Should we tell him about Junior?” Bucky asked you and you laughed.

“You tell him.” You answered, you couldn’t steal Bucky’s great discovery.

“Steve, you’ve got a rival.” Bucky declared with a toothy grin. “He’s munching on hay outside right now but he looks and behaves just like you.”

“What are you talking about?” Steve put his elbow on the table and rested his chin on his fist, frowning.

Natasha, on her part, hid her amusement behind her hand, connecting the dots immediately. You saw her waving her hand to her left discreetly and Sam entered the frame again. 

You slipped the polaroid picture to Bucky and he showed it the camera. You pushed his hand a bit closer to the screen to they could have a better look at the picture of the goatling Bucky had taken the other day.

“We named him Stevie.” Bucky announced, all too pleased with himself.

Sam and Nat’s roaring laughter echoed loudly in your living room and you found yourself joining in just as Bucky did a second later.

Steve, on the other hand, wasn’t laughing. In fact, he had hidden his face in his hands and refused to look at the screen anymore.

“That’s the best thing I’ve heard all week.” Sam said, calming himself just enough to bend down to give you a slow clap.

“Why exactly is it supposed to be me?” Steve asked, shaking his head but a small smile betrayed his fake annoyance.

“The you from before the serum got reincarnated into the goat. He’s as small and stupid, he fights everything and everybody around him. Even me.” Bucky told him, scratching the top of Alpine’s head. 

“Alright, I get it. Well played.” Steve nodded and finally chuckled. “It’s nice to see you having fun.” 

There was a lingering pause, everybody just smiling at each other without knowing what else to say next.

Natasha cleared her throat and pushed the device closer to her, “Boys, I need to have a word with Y/N.”

She didn’t leave Sam and Steve a choice and they knew better than to get in her way when she wanted something. You turned to Bucky next and he told you to take your time and would be waiting outside until you’d be done. He squeezed your knee as he got up, ever so comforting and you looked back at the screen. Natasha had a knowing look on her face but succeeded at staying serious at the same time. 

“Relax, Y/N, I’m not gonna go all Tony on you.”

“You’ve not been exactly warm to me either, Nat. I just want to know if there’s water under the bridge now.” You said, pulling your knees to your chest.

“I wanted to say I’m sorry for how I reacted when I saw you in Berlin. It’s been harder for some compared to others. We all react differently. I kept it together but Tony… He felt like you abandoned him and mourned like you were dead or something. It wasn’t even about you leaving but about us having to pick up the pieces.”

“It wasn’t your job and I apologize for that but I can’t really say I’m sorry for the rest. It wasn’t a on-the-spur-of-the-moment decision, what happened in Sokovia was just the last straw that made it all happen for Bucky and I.” 

“We knew you were a private person, doesn’t help that Barnes is too, but I just wished you would have told us.” The sad smile quickly returned for a second then dissolved the next.

“To what end, Nat? Tony trying to stop that from happening? You know how wary he was of Bucky already when he arrived, and it was long before knowing about his parents.”

“You underestimate Tony, I think you’re just blinded by all the things that are in your heart now. Your feelings for Bucky and the grudge you hold against Tony for what happened in Siberia isn’t mixing well together.” 

You nodded and let the words sink in for a minute, Natasha patiently waited for you to respond. 

“Tony is, and will always be my friend, I told him that. He knows it. But I need him to accept it, I don’t ask for his understanding. If we can mutually forgive the other, if we can both go beyond that and for him to recognise he was wrong in trying to hurt Bucky for something everybody knows wasn’t his fault, then I’m ready to come back. I won’t compromise about that, those will be my conditions.”

“With Rhodey at the hospital, the mess he has to deal with with Secretary Ross about the Accords and now all of us scattered in different continents, it will take him some time, you know.” 

“It’s fine, time is the only thing I have now.” You retorted.

“That’s not exactly true, is it?” Natasha smirked and you could almost feel your old friendship with her rekindling. “You and him. Looking back, I should have known because since day one you vouched for him. He always followed you everywhere like a lost puppy when Steve wasn’t here.”

“Nat…” You smiled embarrassingly but she cut you off.

“No, no, hear me out. Remember when you got shot by Klaw’s men and you were bleeding out in the Quinjet? Barnes sat on the floor all the way to Clint’s house, you were out cold for hours but he stayed there, keeping an eye on you. Steve tried to make him drink something but he refused everytime, he was so pale. Thinking about it, it’s a wonder you two didn’t figure it out sooner.” Natasha’s voice went quieter, making sure her words wouldn’t reach the boys’ ears. Girl talk, you thought. It made you huff in amusement.

“Well…” You started, your face was burning. “Better late than never, as we say.”

“I’m happy for you.” You shook your head slightly, placing your chin atop your knees, listening to her. “Really, Y/N. And God knows he deserves some peace, too.” 

“Thank you, Nat. I mean it.” 

“I’m just proud I made you blush, it’s endearing.” She chuckled and you groaned, pressing your face between your knees. She only laughed harder.

“Anything else you’d like to say? I’ve got goats to feed.” You said.

“Nope,” She gave you a genuine smile. “I’m glad we’re good again.”

“Me, too. Take care of the boys for me, eh? I’m not worried for you.” 

“The things I could tell you about these two…” Natasha added and you both said your goodbyes quickly after, not lingering long on idle chit-chat as you knew Natasha wasn’t really the type.

You stayed alone on the couch after the feed was cut, closing your eyes as you tried to reconcile all the things that was swimming in your head. It was close to a year now that you hadn’t seen either Steve or Tony. Even though you had monthly updates on Steve, Natasha and Sam’s status, you had no idea what was going on in Tony’s life. He had kept absolute radio silence and he had somehow succeeded at flying under the radar in every medias on the web. Your heart panged at the thought of Tony being alone, how he had always hated loneliness and would probably devote his time to keep Rhodey stable and doing God knows what else. Probably going back into bad habits and staying cloistered in his lab, tinkering on new suits or gadgets like he always did. 

The sound of the door sliding open broke you out of your thoughts and Bucky stood there, studying you, apparently seeing the turmoil on your face and composure.

“Are you okay?” He asked, padding barefooted in the room.

“Mm-hm.” You assured him but he didn’t buy it, “I’m fine, just had a bit of a heart-to-heart with Nat and I think we needed it.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” 

“No, but thank you for asking.” 

Bucky placed himself in front of you and reached down to cup your face gently, you leaned into his touch and sighed deeply. His touch had always calmed you and you didn’t know how he managed to do it but it relaxed and soothed you whenever he did. You kissed his palm and untucked your knees from your chest, standing up on sore legs.

“You know, I don’t believe Steve’s bullshit about growing out his hair and beard only to be unrecognizable. He’s just sad.” 

“That was obvious enough.” Bucky said, shrugging good-naturedly.

“See? He still can’t lie.”

“Only to himself.” 

You nodded at each other and you felt lighter. You rolled your shoulders, feeling like a weight had been lifted.

* * *

“Bucky, you promised you wouldn’t steal it again!” You shouted, running after him.

“I’m not stealing it, I was using it!” Bucky shouted back from the kitchen.

“You won’t even let me use it-- You can’t go very far, give it back now, you thief!” You entered the kitchen and an ultimatum presented itself as you saw Bucky standing at the other side of the kitchen island, polaroid in his hand. 

You had two choices:

  1. Circling the island and trying to corner Bucky, the possibility of him fleeing the room again as soon as he got to the door,
  2. Lunging yourself at him right across the island, the possibility of you crashing into the fridge instead of catching Bucky.



“Just surrender, you’ve got nowhere else to go.” You took a careful step in his direction.

“To quote somebody very stupid I know: I could do this all day, Doll.”

You tried hard not to crack up at the joke but Bucky was difficult to resist. You dropped your head in defeat, your shoulders shaking as you laughed quietly.

“I don’t even know why I’m laughing,” You placed your hands on your hips and watched him. The two of you observed each other, waiting for the other to make the first move.

“I’m not giving it back… Yet.” Bucky said.

“You’re just sulking because I caught you with it before you could snap a picture of me napping. That’s rude!” You saw Bucky’s lips twitch and you narrowed your eyes, “You’re not even using it!”

“Yes, I am.” Bucky replied and raised the camera, taking a picture of you right there to stubbornly prove his point.

“Oh, no you didn’t, you-- _fuck!_ ” The game was on as Bucky tried to sidestep you but you chased after him, tailing him close enough to reach for his waist and trying to wrestle him. He didn’t yield and wiggled his way out of your grasp but he didn’t go very far as you ran to the other end of the coffee table and pushed him back the other way, stopping him mid-launch. 

As Bucky was a significant amount taller than you, the idiot found the only weakness you had in this moment and lifted the polaroid out of your reach. You didn’t let yourself be beaten just yet, you needed to find a way to be at the same level as him to have the chance to get your hands on the camera. You were chest to chest, Bucky still lacking one arm and having both of yours to your advantage, you bodily threw yourself at him, successfully knocking him off balance. 

Luckily, you both landed on the couch, Bucky on his ass and you on top of him, straddling his lap. You struggled a moment more before victory was finally yours, snatching the camera from him with a shriek.

“If only you had listened--” Bucky’s lips crashed against yours before you could finish your sentence. He had wrapped his now free arm around your waist and viciously tightened his grip around you when you tried to break free. “If that’s a way to distract me, it’s not wor--” You spoke against his lips but he swallowed your words in another deep kiss, shutting you up.

A shudder ran down your spin and your toe curled in pleasure as he deepened the kiss further, the camera fell with a muffled thud on the cushion next to you, already forgotten in your mind. Bucky overwhelming all of your senses quickly. He broke the kiss just enough to divert his attention to your neck and you sank deeper into his lap, the stubble of his beard scratching and burning your sensitive skin deliciously. He buried his face there, whispering your name as you ground down involuntarily. Bucky froze instantly, he gripped your hip so tightly you could feel the bruises already forming.

You withdrew slightly, cupping his face to make him look at you. His eyes were filled with lust, his pupils wide and dark, the blue almost non-existent. He was breathing heavily and you could feel it took all of his self-control to simply not ravish right there, right now. 

Panting, you brushed your lips against his, “Take me to bed.” You whispered, your fingers burying themselves in his hair and tugging softly.

“Are you sure?” He asked, his voice hoarse and low.

To make your point, you ground down again, this time a bit harder and you felt just how much aroused he was. You bit back a moan and pressed your forehead against his temple, nuzzling him. “ _Please._ ”

Bucky leaped on his feet immediately, you were almost dizzy with how fast he had secured his arm under your thighs and had picked you up. You wrapped your legs around his waist firmly to help him, Bucky always had been strong but you weren’t sure how easy exactly it was for him to carry you only one-armed.

He found the bedroom without bumping you into any walls but unceremoniously dropped you on the bed instead, you bounced on the mattress a few times before he crawled on top of you slowly. He thoroughly kissed his way up and you spread your legs, letting him slide a thigh between yours. His lips found yours again and his hair tickled your face as you continued where you left off on the couch.

Bucky used your thigh to relieve himself of the ache between his legs and you moaned in his mouth when he pressed harder against your core. His hips stuttered at the sound you made and collapsed atop you, his arm shook with the effort it took to support himself.

“Bucky, roll over,” Your hands pushed against his chest but Bucky didn’t budge, “It will be easier for you if I’m on top.” He shook his head repeatedly and you sighed.

“I’m not letting you do all the work,” He breathed hotly against your cheek and started to rub himself again on your thigh.

“Don’t be-- _ah_ , an idiot. I just want to help.” Your nails dug into the fabric of his shirt and into his back, growing impatient.

“You do that all the time, let me take care of you just this time.” Bucky replied and the fire in his eyes made you clench at the sigh. 

Bucky pushed himself backward on his knees and you drank hungrily the sight of him; his hair was a tangled mess, his lips were red and swollen, his shirt was halfway up his chest, revealing how low his pants had slipped on his hips, there you noticed the start of coarse dark hair traveling further below the waistband of his sweatpants and out of view where the unmistakable shape of his erection was hidden.

You planted your feet on the mattress and lifted your hips up, helping Bucky remove your pants and underwear in one swift motion. Once the lower part of your body naked, his hand slid between your thighs, pushing them apart to spread them open and placed himself back in-between.

Bucky cursed under his breath and closed his eyes, his hand flew at his front and squeezed himself tightly to calm down. 

“Bucky, if you feel too overwhelmed, we can stop.” You propped yourself on your elbows and looked at him with worry.

“No,” He said quickly, his voice rough. “No, you’re-- _fuck_ , you’re driving me crazy.”

Bucky stroked himself a couple of times through the fabric of his pants before letting go, your heart raced with anticipation when he finally leaned down and placed feather-light kisses on your inner thigh. He brushed his lips on the thin skin between your thigh and your folds, the sting of his beard touching you at your most vulnerable place making your legs quiver under him.

Choking on a moan when Bucky buried his face between your legs without warning, you collapsed back on the bed. A litany of ineligible words got out of your mouth and one hand found leverage in his hair as the other gripped the sheets of the bed painfully tight. Air was punched out of your lungs as he alternated between his tongue and lips. You heard him groan, feeling the vibrations against your folds, the sensation sending heat pooling in your lower body. 

He rested his chest against the mattress, allowing his hand to hold your left leg open, keeping you still under his touch. Bucky’s mouth worked its way downward, he switched between sucking and licking, his nose bumped on your clit as he found the source of your wetness. He moved at an exquisitely and agonizingly slow pace, delaying your climax for as long as he could.

Sensing you were close already, he pulled away. Bucky nosed at your inner thigh again, nibbling the already tender flesh there. You hummed, your hand in his hair tugged sharply, trying to redirect his attention back to where you needed it most. He looked up at you, his dark eyes never leaving yours as he licked his lips sinfully and dived back between your legs. You threw your head back and bit back a loud moan, his tongue swirled around you, his fingers dug into the meat of your thigh as he pressed his face harder. 

The knot in your stomach tightened and you nearly passed out when Bucky flattened his tongue against the sensitive bud and closed his lips around it, sucking it gently and sending you over the edge. You came immediately, unable to hold your orgasm any longer. He accompanied you through your climax, pulling out moans after moans from you. 

Hissing slightly when you felt over-stimulated, Bucky withdrew from you and licked his lips again, this time wiping the slick from his chin with the back of his hand. His lips were even redder than before and you could see them glistering even in the dim late afternoon light of your bedroom. 

“Fuck, Bucky.” You chuckled, “It was about time.” You heard Bucky hum in agreement. You panted heavily, unable to move for long minutes. You breathed in and out a few times, wondering if you were either floating or the mattress had always been that soft before. 

Finally regaining a semblance of composure, your thoughts not all over the place anymore, you adjusted your pillows in a neat pile behind you to support your back in a sitting position. You noticed the bulge in his pants was gone, replaced by a rather large wet stain. You smirked and leaned forward to grab his wrist, cupping the side of his face with your other hand and kissed him softly as you pulled him against you, falling together on the stack of pillows. You could taste yourself on his lips, sending a fresh wave of arousal straight to your core.

Bucky sat between your exposed legs, his back against your chest. The weight of his body was comforting and you didn’t say anything for a moment, listening to each other regulate your breathing back to normal. You held him in your arms, pressing your nose in the crook of his neck. He smelled of sweat and of the distinctive musky smell of sex. You slipped a hand under his shirt and rubbed the muscles of his chest with your fingers, feeling his abdomen flex involuntarily under your touch. 

“Next time, it’s my turn.” You murmured against his skin and Bucky smiled, turning his head to nuzzle the side of your jaw.

“Next time,” Bucky repeated, his voice was quiet and warm. “I don’t think I’ll be able to last long.”

“Doesn’t matter. We can work on that.” You dropped a few open-mouthed kisses on his neck, “Was it-- You know, your first time since you came back?”

Bucky nodded, “Not that I’ve thought about doing it with you every other day.” He confessed.

“I didn’t want to assume it’s something you wanted. I wouldn’t have pressured you, but since the day you ran away from the bathroom with a hard-on after I shaved your face for the first time, I did realize I wasn’t the only one wanting it.” You teased.

“God, it was almost a year ago, Doll.” Bucky let out a chuckle and continued, “You don’t know how many times you left that door ajar when you showered, it took everything in me to not just... join you.”

“I wouldn’t have stopped you.”

“Noted.” Bucky said and you both fell silent again.

But curiosity took the better of you, “Did you relieve yourself sometimes, thinking about what could have happened in that shower?”

“A few times…” Bucky admitted and straightened to be face to face with you, “It was only release, I think I felt even more frustrated after.”

“Two years.” You shook your head, “I won’t be able to get my hands off you now.”

“It’s not ideal without my arm but--” Bucky trailed kisses up your throat and behind your ear, “If you’re offering.”

Darkness surrounded you now as early evening rolled on. You turned on the lamp on your nightstand and blinked a couple of times to adjust to the sudden brightness. Bucky didn’t seem to be wanting to move off of you anytime soon and so you laid there for what felt like hours, enjoying the wandering touch on each other’s body. After two years together, your relationship had evolved, reaching a new level of intimacy. You thought about how much three years could change a person, Bucky and you weren’t the persons you used to be, both good and bad had happened since but you started to feel safe again, holding onto Bucky tighter in your arms at the feeling.


	3. Chapter 3

Fall arrived and left, the humidity and the heat obstinately didn’t budge and kept you company until winter reached its mark. 

Winter in Wakanda wasn’t the winter you used to know, cold wasn’t _cold_ and you missed the chill of a freezing breeze on your skin. The coziness that oozed from a warm sweater or being able to place yourself under a fluffy plaid for hours without having to sweat. 

Bucky still insisted to go for a run three times a week and you could finally match with him. The last sprints were still as torturous but you weren’t dying on the doormat as soon as you reached the house anymore. There wasn’t many things Bucky could do with one arm and sparring certainly wasn’t on that list, yet you had slowly tried to introduce the idea to him again a couple of months ago. It hadn’t been an easy task but Bucky could be reasoned. Sometimes. 

Between working out, taking care of the goats and exploring your new sexual intimacy, time couldn’t feel more like a construct to you. 

It was at Christmas when an idea bloomed in your mind. You and Bucky didn’t celebrate during the holidays as it seemed less than ideal in your current situation, you simply weren’t feeling the spirit anymore. Besides, you weren’t even sure if Bucky was aware of what day it was but the lack of something to offer him still bothered you. 

You were going to need Shuri’s help.

The next day, Bucky found it suspicious when you asked to go for a run yourself, even suggesting to take a detour to go visit Shuri at her lab. Reluctantly, Bucky agreed and you were both out under an hour. You ran steadily and without much trouble until you arrived in the city. You walked to the lab, stretching and catching your breath. Bucky didn’t even break a sweat and he laughed when you rolled your eyes.

You were escorted to the lab by a guard just like last time and the same woman greeted you when you entered. After all this time, you learned her name was Okoye and she was the General of the Dora Milaje. She still eyed you and Bucky warily but it was fine, Wakanda had opened its doors only weeks prior, after all, and the usual distrust in foreigners was a habit that couldn’t be let go off with a snap of their fingers.

This time, Shuri spotted you first and a smile highlighted her entire face.

“What do I owe the pleasure of your visit this time?” She bowed exaggeratedly at the two of you and you could tell she didn’t mind mocking her own rank and status in front of her employees and the royale guards.

“Just came to check in on you,” you half-lied. 

“You do remember you have access to basically everything, don’t you? You don’t need to keep hiding in that farm all the time.” She teased and she looked back and forth between you and Bucky.

“We know,” Bucky smiled faintly, “Thank you.”

“We’re good, really.” You looked around, news things displayed in every corner of the lab, your head was spinning.

“Your suit is finished,” Shuri told you, “Would you like to try it on?” Then turned to Bucky, “Your arm still needs a few adjustments and recalibrations but it’s almost done, we can have a look at it, if you’d like.”

“I will just wait here, if you don’t mind.” Bucky politely excused himself.

Shuri took you to another room, cleared of people and _literally_ turned off the windows. It made you think of Tony’s own lab. You shook your head, pushing the feeling far off as you saw somebody bringing in your suit. Okoye stayed at the door, keeping an eye on you as Shuri revealed the finished version of your black and gold suit. It looked beautiful and, if you were honest, quite intimidating at the same time. 

Mentioning to turn around to Okoye (who hesitantly obeyed her), Shuri joined her and both had their backs to you to give you privacy while you put on the suit. Without much surprise, your body fitted perfectly in it. The chest plate didn’t feel too constrictive and the material was stretchy enough to allow you freedom of movements. 

“Are those… pockets?!” You exclaimed, slipping your hands in actual, real pockets. 

“Can I look?” Shuri asked.

“Oh, sorry. Yes.” 

Both Okoye and her turned around and even if you didn’t want to admit it, it felt good to wear a combat suit again. The fighter and former Avenger in you making you feel a new powerful surge.

“Just wait until I show all the gadgets that come with it, it will make it even better!” Shuri said, her never ending enthusiasm made you smile.

“I don’t doubt it.” You chuckled and Shuri explained in length the different changes and updates she did from your previous suit. Which you had no idea where it was now. You listened to her but your head was set on something else. “Shuri, I have a favor to ask you.”

“You mean, another one?” She huffed and you sheepishly nodded at her.

“It’s, um, a bit more delicate. And I need either yours or your brother’s help.”

* * *

The favor in question took longer than you anticipated and you started to grow anxious when February came to an end and still received no signs from the royal siblings about your request. You didn’t enjoy lying to Bucky but it was an necessary evil, It was hard to keep secrets from him as he could read you like an open book but you didn’t want to ruin the surprise even if several times you found yourself on the verge of spilling out everything to him. 

When on the seventh of March, Shuri came around, two black SUVs parked in front of the farm, pretending to deliver your suit to you and handed you a manila colored envelope from the inside of her jacket, the two of you locked in your bedroom, your shoulders sagged in relief. 

But the bundle of nerves in your stomach prevented you from slacking off until, finally, Bucky’s birthday arrived.

On the eve of the tenth of March, you busied yourself in the barn, tending to the goats and doing manual labor such as cleaning the floor, stacking hay and filling buckets of water in advance for the next day. Pacing and physically exhausting yourself in hopes of getting some decent sleep for the night. Hours flew by and the doubts grew, you mentally checked everything you had planned over and over again yet you kept finding things that could turn wrong.

Frustrated, you sat down on the pile of hay and allowed your body to shake, you couldn’t let Bucky see you like this otherwise he would worry. What were you supposed to tell him when absolutely nothing was wrong in first place?

A fluffy head poked your thigh gently and you opened your eyes, looking down at Stevie (who wasn’t that small anymore, he was named after Steve for a reason, after all) and you lowered your hand on his coat. 

“Hey, buddy.” You said to the goat, “You bored?”

He bleated and you huffed.

“Yeah, I get you.”

Stevie simply stared at you with his squared shaped pupils and you sighed, “Do you ever think something might go wrong even though there’s absolutely no reason it should?” You grabbed a handful of hay in your hand and the goat happily munched on it, “It’s not written in stone, it’s just… His choice. I don’t care if he says no, well I’ll be a little sad if he does, but I’ve never been so sure about something in my life. It won’t change anything, it’s just a piece of paper but it could turn out to be so beautiful, I know it. I’m just a bit, you know, apprehensive about his reaction because it won’t be conventional. It’s the twenty-first century, it’s not that uncommon anymore but I keep forgetting Bucky isn’t from this century, after all-- _ow_ , it’s my hand, stupid!” You rubbed the side of your hand where Stevie -- inadvertently -- bit you and gave him more hay to chew on. “I can’t chicken out now, I asked the sister of the fucking King of Wakanda to help me, T’Challa probably knows about it and I’ve got all the documents. Everything is ready. I even have my little speech prepared.” You groaned loudly, tomorrow couldn’t come faster but today had decided to drag on forever.

“Well,” You sprung on your feet, shaking the hay and dirt from your pants, “Thanks for your advices, Stevie. You’re a great listener.” The goat bleated again and ignored you, shoving its face in the free hay you just vacated.

You purposely took your time to walk to the house, enjoying the fresh winter breeze of early evening cool you down. The lights in the lounge were on and so you directly entered the room, sliding the tall glass door open. Alpine trotted to you, greeting you with a meow before thoroughly sniffing your legs. Even if Stevie was twice Alpine’s size now, they still enjoyed to wrestle and snuggle each other, Alpine impatiently and furiously scratching the window every morning until you let her out, sometimes the little shit even woke you up at dawn by loud meows until either Bucky or you got up. 

Absently looking down at Alpine until she finished smelling every inch of your calves and feet, you hadn’t yet spotted Bucky laying on the couch, a book resting forgotten on his chest, intriguingly looking at you instead.

“Doll?”

You jumped minutely, clutching your chest. “Fuck, I didn’t see you.”

“You’re letting your guards down,” He grinned at you.

“Yeah, more like you’re keeping me on my toes.” You sidestepped Alpine and made your way to him. He dropped the book on the floor and you picked it up, “You don’t put a book on the floor, you savage. Have some respect.” You joked and sprawled your entire body atop him. 

Bucky pressed you closer to him, hugging you against his chest. “Everything’s under control outside?”

You hummed and lifted your hand up, “Stevie confused my hand for hay but otherwise they’re settled for the night.” 

Bucky let go of your body and inspected your hand, smoothing the shallow and non life-threatening bite mark with his thumb and he chuckled, the puffs of air tickling your face, “You’ll live.” He declared and dropped a kiss on the back of your knuckles.

“Thanks for your diagnostic, I wasn’t sure.” You raised your head and put your chin on his chest to have a better view of him, “I feel better now.”

He smiled softly and brushed his lips against your forehead, “My pleasure.” 

“I’m hungry.”

“You need a shower first,” He scrunched his nose and laughed when you smacked his side. 

“That wasn’t very gentleman of you to say I smell.” You crawled upward slightly to angle yourself at eye level with him.

“Truth hurts.” He simply answered, shrugging a shoulder. He tried not to smile but the glint in his eyes betrayed his amusement.

“Well, Sergeant. I was going to propose you to join me like we talked about the other day but I have decided to revoke my offer now.”

Bucky made a face and you smirked. The atmosphere shifted in the room and you could feel Bucky’s skin grow warmer under your touch. Withdrawing from him and stepping away casually, you entered the bathroom and raised your voice even if you knew he could perfectly hear you. 

“But I guess I will make an exception just this once.”

Bucky never crossed a room so fast in his life. 

* * *

You didn’t sleep a wink that night. Even after taking care of the barn and Bucky exhausting you twice in the shower with super-soldier stamina, using a week worth of water, you still couldn’t find sleep.

Nervous and on edge, no matter the amount of methods you used to try succumbing in the arms of Morpheus, you couldn’t shut off your brain. You laid there, feeling Alpine’s warmth against your thigh under the covers and listened to Bucky’s soft snores.

When seven o’clock peaked, you rolled out of bed and dragged yourself in the kitchen, quietly closing the bedroom’s door behind you to not disturb Bucky’s sleep. You grabbed the journal from the shelf and sat down on the couch, covering yourself with the blanket Bucky had used last night. You smiled when you buried your nose in the fabric and took a deep breath, filling your senses of his comforting scent.

Opening the journal at the last occupied page, you were greeted with a picture of Bucky looking directly at the camera, the blue of his eyes almost translucent caused by the sun shining on his face. His hair was long, flowing delicately in the wind and the thick beard covered his cheeks, stretching in a smile. He looked so carefree and peaceful, it was a sight you wished you could keep with you forever. You were a long way from the Bucky with bags under his eyes so dark it matched the color of his hair, the dullness in them had completely disappeared, now bright and playful most of the time. 

You picked up the pen you always left between pages of the journal and wrote:

_March 10th, 2018_

_Today is your birthday. It’s 7AM and you’re still asleep._

_You don’t know yet that I’m about to propose to you._

_I sincerely hope you will say yes, I’m scared._ _  
__I love you._

And eventually, Bucky woke up. 

You deliberately let the door to the garden open for Alpine to come and go as she pleased to keep her quiet, trying to have Bucky stay in bed longer and delay the long-awaited moment for a bit more. Wide awake after so little sleep, you grew agitated and paced the house, unable to keep still anymore.

But you heard the sound of Bucky stepping out of the bedroom, his sleepy form materialized in your line of vision and you softened at the sight of his bed hair and furrow of his brows when the sunlight was too blinding. He blinked a few times and you slipped behind him, your smaller body caging his bigger, stronger one in your arms.

Bucky addressed you a groggy “mornin’’” and you dropped a kiss on his neck. He felt warm and soft, and he had no idea what was about to happen.

“Happy birthday, Bucky,” You said quietly, breathing in deeply.

“Is it?” He asked and squeezed your forearm. 

“Like every year, yes.” You went on your tiptoes and barely got tall enough to reach his shoulder, placing your chin on top of it.

“I keep forgetting.” 

“Good thing I’m here to remind you.” 

Bucky turned his head and kissed the only place available to him on your face at this angle, you received the peck on your nose and squeezed him one last time before discarding yourself from him. 

“Sit, I have something for you.” You ordered and went to your shared closet, retrieving the enveloppe you had hidden there.

Your thoughts were all over the place, your heart was racing and your hands carrying the envelope were moist and weak. When you came back in the kitchen, Bucky had obediently sat himself at the kitchen’s table and the lump in your stomach was so heavy you felt nauseous.

You stood at the other end of the table and with trembling hands, sliding the envelope to him across the table.

Bucky frowned at it and glanced at you, “Doll, you know I don’t ask for anything.”

“I know,” You tried to keep your voice as steady as possible. “But it means a lot to me.”

Bucky picked up the envelope carefully, feeling its weight in his hand. 

“Before you open it,” You started, your voice already wavering. “I just wanted to say that I love you and no matter what your answer will be, it won’t change anything between us.”

The envelope was unsealed and Bucky pulled out the single sheet of paper it contained. Bucky’s eyes widened as he scanned it.

“James Barnes, will you marry me?”

Your words bounced in Bucky’s skull and echoed in the kitchen. He read the document over and over again until it stopped making any sense to him. To say it was a surprise to him was an understatement, but he needed to tell you something, give you an answer, _anything,_ but the flow of air in his lungs simply stopped working, restricting not only his breathing but also made his heart skip several beats. 

Coming back to himself, Bucky finally moved and stood up. He circled the table agonizingly slowly and placed himself in front of you. He noticed your hands were shaking violently, he caught them both in his and dropped to his knee.

Breath caught in your throat, your vision filled with unwanted tears and quickly blurring the sight of his face. 

“Allow me at least to be on my knee to say yes.” 

Choking on a sob, you closed your eyes, the tears escaping as your entire body slumped in relief. Bucky let out a wet chuckle too, and kissed your hands before he picked you up in his arm, kissing you so fiercely it took your breath away. He poured all his love in that kiss and you reciprocated as hardentely. 

“I was so scared,” You whispered between kisses, “I was literally vibrating with anxiety since yesterday.”

Bucky kept kissing you, his own tears mingling with yours as he did so

“That’s the best birthday I’ve ever had,” He bumped his nose with yours, “And I’ve got _hundreds_ of them.”

Chuckling, you were unable to stop the flow of tears as Bucky held you firmly against him. Not an inch of your body wasn’t touching his, wondering where you began and he ended. Wrapping your arms around his neck, you kissed him until your lips were raw and you both physically couldn’t stand on your feet anymore. 

“We just have to sign and it will be done. Shuri took care of the rest, I owe her so much.”

Bucky begrudgingly released you and went in search of a pen. He found one of the countertop near the sink and sat again, pulling you on his lap. He scribbled his name and signature and passed you the pen, watching you sign in turn. 

“And you’re mine, Bucky Barnes.” You said.

Bucky couldn’t look at you with any more adoration and fondness when he replied, “I’m yours, Mrs Barnes.” 

* * *

Not even two months later, you didn’t expect to see your happy bubble shatter so soon when movement in the corner of your eyes caught your attention. T’Challa was marching toward your home accompanied with the Dora Milaje, Okoye among them as usual, and carrying a heavy looking case with them. The forgotten mug you were washing slipped from your grasp, crashing loudly in the sink. You hurriedly wiped your hands with the cloth draped on your shoulder and opened the front door without even waiting for a knock. 

T’Challa didn’t look so surprised seeing you standing there and on your guards already. He was wearing an apologetic look on his face as he approached you, alone, gesturing to the small army of armed women surrounding him to stay a few feet away. 

You both exchanged curt nods.

“Your Highness.” You said, tension in your voice when you used his formal title. “We weren’t expecting you.”

“Y/N. I apologize for the intrusion but we have got a situation.” 

“I figured just as much.” You answered, face grave.

“May I come in?”

You pushed the door open to let him in. He turned and beckoned Okoye to follow him, she stepped inside after him, the elaborate case in hand, and she nodded at you silently as well. 

Almost friendly. 

You liked her. She was always so composed and radiated respect yet fierceness and loyalty. 

She dropped the case on the table and your heart leapt into your throat. You knew instantly what was inside and whether Bucky would like it or not, T’Challa didn’t come here in person to give him a choice. 

“Where’s Sergeant Barnes?” T’Challa asked.

“Outside. I’ll go fetch him.” At the last second before you turned on your heels, you thought about something, “You know, you should call him Bucky, I think that’s been a long time since he considered himself a Sergeant. He just doesn’t want to bother a King about it.” 

You joined Bucky near the barn, he was feeding the goats, throwing their morning hay all around the field. He spotted you and when he saw your crossed arms and the frown on your face, his smile faded.

“What’s wrong, Doll?” 

“You should come inside, we’ve got visitors. The Royal kind.”

He tightened the shawl around his shoulders by reflex and you loathed that day already.

You both made your way back to the house, the silence heavy between the two of you. 

Bucky entered and immediately glared at the case in resignation. He didn’t even spare a glance at T’Challa, or even Okoye when she opened the lid to reveal the finished Vibranium arm resting inside.

“Where’s the fight?” Bucky’s face hardened.

“On its way.” T’Challa responded flatly.

“Captain Rogers and his team will be there shortly.” Okoye intervened and you looked up, hearing her voice for the first time after nearly two years residing in Wakanda.

“Do we know anything about the threat?” You asked, arms still crossed defensively against your chest, pressing your lips in a thin line.

“He’s the one who will debrief you. Suit up.” T’Challa concluded and that was your cue to retrieve the suit Shuri had made for you, safely stored away in your closet.

If Steve needed you, you would answer his call and be there. Needless to say, so would Bucky. So you suited up, black and gold painting your body. You watched yourself in the mirror once you were dressed, taking in the state of the suit before red would come stain the immaculate fabric.

Bucky had his left arm attached back to his body and to say it was odd to see him with two arms instead of his single flesh one for so long was an understatement. He did a double take when he saw you, you had forgotten he hadn’t seen you in the suit yet and his eyes roamed over your body for a moment.

Apart from his arm, Bucky had also been given upgraded gears. The jacket looked strangely familiar, the color as well as the cut of it undoubtedly heavily inspired from his uniform during the war. He looked like someone else and you could tell Bucky was thinking the same about you in this moment. 

“Are you ready?” He shifted from foot to foot and you nodded. 

Bucky stopped you before you moved, the feeling of cold Vibranium circling your wrist. You startled, having to get used to the sensation again. He gently pulled you against him, scooping you in his arms in a hug. 

“I missed properly having you in my arms.” He whispered and you wrapped your own arms around him in response. “Promise me you’ll be careful.”

“If you promise I won’t need to save your ass again.” You couldn’t help but joke, the atmosphere too severe for your taste. 

“But you do it so well.” 

“I love you, Bucky Barnes, but I will hand you over to the wolves myself if you get hurt again.” You felt Bucky’s body shake as he silently laughed.

He kissed your forehead and you allowed yourself a short, intimate moment to feel safe in his arms before going to put your life in danger once again on the front lines.

* * *

The occupants of the Quinjet disembarked, Steve and Natasha leading, followed by Bruce (Bruce!) and Rhodey, with Vision and Wanda slowly taking up the rear.

“Seems like I'm always thanking you for something.” Steve shook T’Challa’s hand. 

Bruce bowed awkwardly to the King.

“What are you doing?!” Rhodey said in mock shock.

“Uh, we don't do that here.” T’Challa dissuaded Bruce with a motion of his hand.” Bruce shot a look to Rhodey who was answered with a big grin from the latter. “So how big of an assault can we expect?”

The group began to walk back into the administrative building.

“Uh, sir, I think you can expect quite a big assault.” Bruce answered.

 **“** How we looking?” Natasha asked.

“You will have my Kingsguard, the Border Tribe, the Dora Milaje, and…”

Bucky smiled as he walked toward Steve, passing some Kingsguard taking Vision and Wanda alongside Bruce and Rhodey to another facility. “A semi-stable, hundred year-old man.”

You watched them share a hug and huffed, “You’re too humble, Bucky.”

Steve's suit was devoid of anything Avengers related. He had ripped off the "A" on his shoulders alongside the star initially plastered on his chest. The uniform looked bland and dark without them, Steve really turned himself into a nomad for the last two years, roaming the earth with unspeakable sadness and bitterness in his heart. 

Natasha surprised you by stepping in your direction and quickly greeting you with a hug. Steve did the same when Bucky and him broke apart, engulfing you in his much larger and stronger arms. You noticed he was still sporting a beard and his long dirty blonde hair was neatly combed back. You would be lying if you didn’t find him handsome, it looked much better in real life than through a screen. 

**“** How you been?” Steve glanced back and forth between Bucky and you.

“Uh, not bad, for the end of the world.” Bucky answered and turned to you with a shy smile. 

“Might not be the ideal moment to announce it but, um,” You started, rolling on the ball of your feet, “We got married.”

Steve’s eyes grew comically wide and gaped like a fish, “Wow, really? When?!”

“She popped the question on my birthday, no less.” Bucky said to his friend.

All eyes turned to you and you shrugged a shoulder, chuckling, “Well… Surprise?”

“That’s amazing, Y/N.” Steve said, bowing his head slightly at you and clasped a hand on Bucky’s shoulder. “I’m really happy for the both of you.” 

Natasha bumped her shoulder with yours, a genuine smile on her face. “You’ve got him all wrapped around your fingers.” 

“I will forever owe a debt to Wakanda for everything it has done for us.” Bucky said and his eyes found yours briefly. 

“Let’s get it over with now, shall we?” You told everybody.

It was time.

Outside, on a hill, you stood with Bucky and Sam (who had joined you shortly after having taken your positions), they both looked up at the sky when something entered the atmosphere, the defense shield over the Golden City destroying the alien vessel when it slammed into the field at full attack acceleration.

“God, I love this place.” Bucky said honestly, marveling at the technology.

Rhodey, who was also outside and now in full War Machine armor, watched three more ships burn through the sky. “Yeah, don’t start celebrating yet, guys. We got more incoming outside the dome.”

The shock waves and debris from the ship landings destroyed acres of forest and boiled up against the dome.

You made a face, “They don’t look particularly friendly.”

“And it’s just the beginning.” Sam answered.

* * *

"She is _not_ alone."

You rose alongside Wanda, Natasha and Okoye against the female alien in the middle of the battlefield, machine gun held in your hands and pointed in her direction. Okoye brandished her spear while Wanda's hands and eyes glowed an angry red. Natasha readied her weapons.

And you aimed. 

The alien was faster. She dodged the bullets, ducked when Natasha threw punches and avoided Okoye's spear in an almost graceful manner. She leaped for Natasha, who had joined her sticks into a full staff. She blocked the alien's blow with an electrical crackle while the General ran around the slope to attack from the front.

You took a deep, controlled breath and shot a single bullet, wishing that pulling the trigger when both Natasha and Okoye were already fighting the alien was worth the risk. The female creature winced loudly and dropped her weapon when your bullet grazed her skin successfully. She hissed when she spotted you and instantly made a beeline toward you, her eyes screaming bloody murder. 

You squeezed the trigger again but to your horror, the magazine was empty, the deafening sound of the trigger clicking in a hollow sound. 

Carelessly dropping the gun on the ground next to your feet, you activated the hidden blade, sliding it free from its confine above your forearm. The alien smirked and pulled a small knife, toying with it between her fingers in an attempt to intimidate you. 

"You got to be kidding me." And raised your fists in a fighting stance. 

With a roar, she lunged at you and you successfully blocked her first few blows before she made a shallow cut right above your cheekbone. The alien, losing herself in the satisfaction of drawing blood, let her guards down. Your blade pierced her skin in the meat of her thigh during a moment of inattention, striking right when she thought herself victorious.

"Who's smiling now, bitch?" You spat and she clutched her thigh, dark blue blood pouring out of the wound. 

Upset, she lifted her knife again, unwilling to be defeated but scarlet energy grabbed the alien and tossed her into the air right into the path of another passing Thresher. Dark blue blood spattered the four of you below. Wanda sat up, sighing with relief, her hands still shimmering.

"That was really gross." Natasha said, looking at you, alien blood plastered on her forehead. You wiped your own cheek with the back of your hand, grunting at the view of blue and red mixed together. 

One down. Only a few hundreds to go. 

* * *

“ _He's here.”_ Vision declared, grave and serious.

The wind picked up. Sudden silence washing over the Wakandan forest. All hairs on your body stood on end. It felt… strange. Eerie. 

“Everyone, on my position. We have incoming.” Steve ordered, arm-shield deployed.

In short order, you joined him. You walked with Bucky by your side, staying close to you as you searched for the threat in confusion. _Who was he? Who’s this Thanos Steve talked about and why was he so dangerous?_ You thought. 

Natasha, Sam, Okoye and T’Challa took their positions.

“What the hell?” Natasha whispered, confused just like the rest. 

Bruce saw the blue and black clouds of a Space Stone just before Thanos stepped forward and confirmed this wasn’t just another member of the Black Order. “Cap. That’s him.”

Even if you had never seen him before, even before Bruce positively identified him, your guts immediately churned at the sight of the monster. He was huge, looked strong and intimidating. He could crush you with a finger and you swallowed hard, the fight was going to be merciless. You eyed the golden gauntlet on his left hand, the stones glowing there taunting you. He lacked only one, the last remaining one before something you couldn’t grasp the consequences of yet would happen. Vision would be dead the moment Thanos got his hand on it. 

“Eyes up. Stay sharp.” 

Bruce reached Thanos first, lunging forward fist-first but Thanos used the Space Stone on him, rendered him immaterial until the Hulkbuster was half-buried in the stone of the cliff behind him, and froze Bruce in place.

Steve was sent flying by purple energy before he even got to strike a single blow.

T’Challa, armor fully charged kinetically, leapt high and with claws extended, but was easily grabbed by the throat and punched to the ground, his armor discharging violently.

Sam stooped, strafing with both pistols, but was felled when his wings became rubbery and unable to sustain flight.

Wanda extended a trembling hand and started beaming her energy at the Mind Stone on Vision’s forehead.

Rhodey joined the fight, firing his guns at Thanos until he used the gauntlet to crush his armor around his body, tossing him aside like a puppet.

Bucky ran in firing but was punched away by the Power Stone, the energy pushing him to the ground, discarding his machine gun in the fall. 

You picked up the gun and aimed at Thanos, he activated the Reality Stone and the bullets turned into bubbles, bodily projecting you next against the trunk of a tree.

Okoye activated the Vibranium-powered elements on her spear and flinged it; Power stopped it inches from Thanos, and threw her aside while wrapping Natasha in inescapable bands of earth.

Groot stabbed his hands into the ground to wrap Thanos in cables of roots, which he broke easily.

Wanda watched all this over one shoulder and turned back to Vision to add her left hand to her tearful effort.

Steve slid under one blow and came up swinging his arm-shield, punching Thanos in the gut and chin. He grabbed the gauntlet, keeping Thanos' fingers unclenched. Thanos looked very briefly impressed at the Captain's efforts as he screamed before slamming a fist into his head and rendering him insensible.

Wanda glanced over her shoulder again and saw Thanos approach unopposed. She swigged her left hand around to fend him off with a stream of scarlet energy, and pushed him back despite his blue-purple energy shield, but then started to make slow headway.

Vision whispered something to her, you couldn’t make it out from here but the Stone finally started to crack. Vision's face was overcome by an expression of joyful peace, and as the crystal shattered completely, a pulse of pure yellow energy exploded from him, shuddering the trees around his epicenter. Wanda's and Thanos' energy subsided.

You felt dizzy as you watched the muted exchange between Wanda and Thanos, both standing over Vision’s body. Your ears were ringing and blood trickled down your temple. Bucky came into view and bent down to hurriedly drag you on your feet, you saw his lips moving but no sound reached your ears, still feeling disoriented. Bucky put your arm around his shoulder and kept your upright with his vibranium arm draped across your waist securely. 

Thanos reached forward, clenching the gauntlet, emerald filigree surrounding his wrist, making a gesture. In response, a bead of yellow light started gathering in on itself as time was reversing and growing in size, solidifying into an intact and conscious Vision.

 _“No!”_ Wanda lunged for Vision but was swatted away.

Thanos picked up Vision by the throat, lifting him to eye-level, and dug the fingers of his right hand into Vision's forehead, taking out the Mind Stone. He pulled it loose, and Vision went limp and colorless; he tossed the lifeless android aside like a ragdoll. Bringing his gauntleted hand up, he slowly moved the Mind Stone over the last empty slot and dropped it in. The energy surged was much more powerful than before.

As Thanos studied the completed gauntlet, a massive bolt of lightning struck him, digging him into the ground and grinding him back. Thor arrived, eyes glowing with power, stooping down from the sky. He slammed the ax in Thanos’ chest.

Thor landed in front of him, who was down on one knee with the force of the blow. “I told you. You'd die for that.”

Thor’s booming voice echoed in your ears, sound finally filling them again. You hissed and Bucky looked down at you, worry in his eyes. You ran a hand in your hair and your fingers came back bloody after the forceful landing you made against the tree. You tapped your foot on the ground, testing your balance as you removed your arm from Bucky’s shoulders. 

“We have to help Thor,” You said weakly.

Bucky didn’t let go of you, if anything, his hold on you tightened protectively. You stumbled back slightly against his chest, supporting yourself with your hand finding leverage on his cladded vibranium shoulder instead.

Thor took hold of the back of Thanos' head and forced the ax deeper into his chest, staring angrily into his eyes while Thanos cried out in pain.

“You should have... you…” Thanos stammered. “You should have gone for the head. _”_

Thanos raised his gauntlet and snapped his fingers.

_“NO!”_

Thanos noticed the damage inflicted on the gauntlet -- the metal scorched and distorted from heat, the stones were no longer glowing.

“What'd you do?” Thor grew angry when Thanos didn’t answer and then shouted, “WHAT DID YOU DO?!”

Thanos did not react to Thor’s presence before he used the Space Stone to teleport away, leaving Thor’s ax behind on Wakandan ground.

Steve stumbled into the clearing, holding his left side, looking around. “Where did he go? Thor… Where’d he go?”

Bucky made a noise beside you, his grasp on your body faltering. His face went incredibly pale, as if something was hurting him. You cupped his face to make him focus, searching for an injury. But you found none. He looked down at you and you noticed his eyes were glassy and his voice shaky when your name fell from his lips in confusion. 

His cheek felt weird under your palm, his skin prickling and tickling your hand. 

“Bucky, what’s wrong?” 

When you discarded your hand, dust coated your fingers and panic overtook you. The ashes didn’t stop from pouring out of his face, you brought your hand back to his cheek but his face slipped right through your fingers. You gasped in terror as Bucky started to fade, vanishing in front of your eyes. You fell forward from the lack of weight in your arms, collapsing on the pile of ashes that were once Bucky. You stared at your hand in disbelief. 

“Steve, what’s happening?!” Your body shook, “Steve!”

Steve walked over and crouched next to you, touching the ground where Bucky's ashes evaporated in shock.

“Oh, God.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! :)

**Author's Note:**

> You can find me on tumblr @ kidney-bean-writes :) come say hi!


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